By :Dr Toolz
When people find out a woman is in an abusive relationship, the first question they ask is why does she not just leave? But if u are in an abusive relationship, you know that it’s not that simple. Ending a significant relationship is never easy. It’s even harder when you’ve been isolated from your family and friends, psychologically beaten down, financially controlled, and physically threatened.
If you’re trying to decide whether to stay or leave, you may be feeling confused, uncertain, frightened, and torn. Maybe you’re still hoping that your situation will change or you’re afraid of how your partner will react if he discovers that you’re trying to leave.
One moment, u may desperately want to get away, and the next, you may want to hang on to the relationship. Maybe u even blame yourself for the abuse or feel weak and embarrassed because you’ve stuck around in spite of it.
Don’t be trapped by confusion, guilt. The only thing that matters is your safety. Here are things u need to note:
You are not to blame for being battered or mistreated.
You are not the cause of ur partner’s abusive behavior, you did no wrong.
You deserve to be treated with respect.
You deserve a safe and happy life
He won’t change, a man who loves u won’t raise his hands at you.
Your children deserve a safe and happy life
You can find someone better
You are not alone. There are people willing to help
You have endured enough.
There are many resources available for abused and battered women, including crisis hotlines, shelters—even job training, legal services, childcare. Start by reaching out today. As u face the decision to either end the abusive relationship or try to save it, note the following things.
If you’re hoping ur abusive partner will change… The abuse will probably keep happening. Abusers have deep emotional & psychological problems. While change is not impossible, it isn’t quick or easy. Change can only happen once your abuser takes full responsibility for his action seeks professional treatment, stops blaming you , his unhappy childhood, stress, work, his drinking, or his temper.
If you believe you can help your abuser, It’s only natural that you want to help your partner. You may think you’re the only one who understands him or that it’s your responsibility to fix his problems. But the truth is that by staying and accepting repeated abuse, u’re reinforcing & enabling the behavior. Instead of helping your abuser, you’re perpetuating the problem.
If your partner has promised to stop the abuse, When facing consequences abusers often plead for another chance& promise to change. They may even mean what they say in the moment, but their true goal is to stay in control& keep u from leaving. Most of the time, they quickly return to their abusive behavior once you’ve forgiven them& they’re no longer
Worried you’ll leave, if you’re worried about what will happen if u leave… You may be afraid of what your abusive partner will do, where you’ll go, or how you’ll support yourself or your children. But don’t let fear of the unknown keep you in a dangerous, unhealthy situation.
Contact a domestic violence or sexual assault program in your area. They can provide emotional support, peer counseling, safe emergency housing, information, and other services whether you decide to stay or leave the relationship.
Build as strong a support system as your partner will allow. Whenever possible, get involved with people and activities outside your home and encourage your children to do same.
Be kind to yourself! Develop a positive way of looking at and talking to yourself. Use affirmations to counter the negative comments you get from the abuser. Carve out time for activities you enjoy. Counselling can’t guarantee your partner will change. There r men in abusive relationship too pls don’t be ashamed to speak up just because men are suppose to be “strong”